well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
