my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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