Just cropdusted the office
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
