why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
