We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
