Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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