no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
