Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
