So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wear drunk well.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
