she was so not down for the gang bang
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
