obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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