I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
