im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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