This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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