I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
