Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
