I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
