dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
