someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
