So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
