Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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