I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
