I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
