hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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