Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
