There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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