If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
