I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
