The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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