She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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