69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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