i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
