I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
