Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
