then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
