Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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