Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I bet he comes in French.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
