We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
