apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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