Please, let me fuck your mom
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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