My nipple is on Facebook.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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