Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
