no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
