Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's the barista slut.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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