I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We smell like vodka and hangover
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