I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i out mim tonsoeep
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