i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
