how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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