Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
