Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
