i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
