the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
