I am spending my child support on dildos
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
