So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
