I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He did a backflip because drugs
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