I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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