Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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