as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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