He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
