these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize