So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
