at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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