Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
