i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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