My Higher Power is John Stamos
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
