An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
