We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
