i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
