Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
