I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
