We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
