Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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