Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
