dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
