I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
