Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
